on things changing – a poem

change-
i want it
i desire it
i need it

change-
i am having it
i am living it
am i loving it?

change-
it makes my heart ache
my stomach clench
my breath catch

change-
it makes me want to cry
and run away,
terrified

change-
is what i need
and always wanted

change-
is what i hate
whenever it happens

what do you do
when you can’t live
with what you need to
feel alive?

what do you do
if you can’t handle
what you so desperately
await?

no matter if it is
big or small
important or not
fun or serious

it all makes me jump happily
and crumble away
it all makes me  want to run
both towards it and away

but i just want to scream
and jump out of my skin
i just want to enjoy
and have life happen to me

i just want to stop
being terrified
of change

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