“What’s been going on and where have you been?” you may ask. Or not. Probably not. But I’m going to tell you anyway because I’m self-centered enough to like writing about my own life. (Side note: Is that why so many people are writing memoirs? Are they all so self-centered? Do they like talking about themselves so much? Hm.)
Short answer: A lot. But also not really.
Long answer: Ahhh, where do I even begin?
The last month was in a way really exhausting but I also did some cool stuff. July could probably be the same, or a bit better because it already started really well, but who knows? I certainly don’t. I wish I could look into the future, prepare, and then be less anxious about everything, but unfortunately I can’t.
In June I did lots of stuff for school, less but still lots of stuff for work, had driving lessons and obsessed over cool things. That kind of sounds like nothing has changed but that’s not quite true.
I realized that I’m now actually as good in school as I would like to be (or at least almost, because I just so hate missing out on a better grade by just 0.2 or 0.3 and of course this happened again). I improved a lot from last year because I finally found the motivation to actually study. This definitely has a lot to do with me studying with my girlfriend and us making summaries together. If I spend the free minutes I have at work (or sometimes more, totally depends) looking at whatever I have to study next I don’t need to force myself to do it at home when I would just rather sleep. This is not a really new thing but I just never really did it, for some unknown reason. Now I do though, and it certainly works. I like knowing and understanding stuff and I especially like it if I suddenly get some complicated thing I didn’t understand before but I had to realize this also works for business and economical topics. A year ago or so I just really didn’t care about my school subjects, I didn’t find anything of it interesting and I thought it was useless and the same goes for studying it. But now it’s sometimes even fun to look at it, understand it or explain it to someone else. I’m glad I have finally found more motivation, especially considering I have my final exams in November and my oral exam in February and I want to be good in those. I know I won’t be as good in those as in school because there are a few topics I still don’t really get and it’s a lot of material to study for those exams and I think they are harder than my tests in school but I’m sure it will work out in a way I’m at least partially satisfied with.
Work is a whole other topic though. I changed departments again and that for the last time ever which is super scary and also sad. The last six (or seven) months of my apprenticeship I will spend in Accounting as I will work on a project there about which I’ll have my oral exam and I’ll work here and have daily business to do. I have been in Accounting before, right at the beginning of my apprenticeship almost two years ago. I didn’t enjoy the time so much because I didn’t understand many of the tasks in this department and because I got really anxious there with so many people and things to do I didn’t really find challenging or interesting. So you can guess that I wasn’t 100% happy about coming back. The people in this department are a bit weird (as one might expect from Accounting. The stereotype is super annoying but partially true.) but they are nice. I don’t get along with everyone there though and the atmosphere is so different from the Logistics department, where I was before and where I enjoyed it so much, I would have loved to be there for way longer. At least I have some not-Accounting related tasks to do as well and those are going to be really interesting (I hope). We’ll see how it goes, I just hope I’ll have an okay time until I’m finally done with this whole thing.
In June I had not more driving lessons than in the last few months but I certainly had more important ones because I was preparing for my practical driving test. If just one more person asks me “oh, you took long for your driving license, didn’t you?” I’m going to fucking kill them though. I just can’t hear it anymore. It’s none of your damn business how long it took me and that doesn’t say anything about how many lessons I had or if I failed or whatever. Because I didn’t. I passed the test on Friday. I’m going to get my driving license and I’m going to be able to drive. I was so shocked on Friday because I actually didn’t believe I’d pass (I’m not a very good driver, really not) and when I did it all the anxiety and panic was over and I felt mostly empty. Now I’m just really happy. I barely told anyone about me having the test as I was already more anxious than ever before in my life and I was so scared of panicking/failing/having to talk about it to anyone. The anxiety is still there, at least a bit of it, because I know I need to practise and manage driving my parents’ car which is like twice as big as the one of my driving school (help). And there is also the whole problem of probably needing an own car in a few months… but I don’t want to think about that right now, first I need to find time to get to the District Office and get that stupid piece of paper.
Everyone who looks at my Twitter for just a minute sees how obsessed with Eurovision I got over the past two months or so. Okay, I have been in love with Eurovision for years now and my love continuously grew but in the second half of May it kind of exploded. I started following tons of Eurovision-related Twitter accounts (and some of them even follow me back!) and talked to some of those people (well, mostly just one but I like to imagine I will get over myself and talk to more because they all seem to be so nice and I actually love making friends, I’m just really bad at it). With that one person I talked with a lot I rewatched all Eurovisions from 2009 to 2016 and I’m really looking forward to watching some older ones as well. I really like this community of people from so many different countries, mostly European but not exclusively, who talk about their favourite songs, favourite artists, languages they speak, their countries. Through them and through Eurovision itself I found such a huge amount of (to me) new music from different genres/countries/languages and I appreciate that loads. I hope I’ll stay active in this community for a long time and I’m for sure going to watch a lot more ESCs in the next months (I’m so glad ESC History exists!).
I also got really interested in football over the past month. Woah, who would have thought. Seriously though, I’ve never been interested in football, not really at least. I only watched a match here and there and World Cups are pretty cool but apart from that I never paid much attention. Now I do though. So many people I follow on Twitter (now) are huge football fans and more of my friends than I thought are too so they all kind of dragged me into this thing. I don’t really care about the rules and I sure as hell can’t judge how good or not a player is, but I’m very interested in the countries and the players and I love how passionate everyone gets about the Euro. So I got really passionate as well, about Germany as my home country and because I have hopes we can win this and about Iceland as one of my favourite countries in the world, because of a hundred different reasons. I have always loved Iceland for its music, beautiful country, amazing language and now for writing football history! Seriously, I’m so proud of my Icelandic babes, I could burst into tears just thinking about them beating England.
There’s even more but I think that’s enough of an update. I hope July is filled with less stress and less anxiety, and I’m hopeful right now.
I hope you’re okay as well!
See you soon ❤