Life was never worse but never better
by Taylor Swift – Wonderland (x)
Oh, a new artist on this blog, wow!
I always liked Taylor Swift I think. She was never my favourite artist and I never listened to her songs 24/7 but I really liked her album Red and some songs before that time. And she was on the soundtrack for Hunger Games, which makes me like her even more. And her friendship with Ed Sheeran is just so adorable.
I finally got 1989 last weekend from a friend and listened to it the whole week. My favourite songs are Wonderland and I Know Places and Blank Space and Shake It Off I think, but seriously, the whole album is great.
I’ve listened to Wonderland so often… I’m actually listening to it right now too. The song is stuck in my head. And I discovered this line in the lyrics and imediately went “Oh” because this is actually exactly how I’ve been feeling for the past months and I thought about this a lot lately.
I have a job, I learn so many new things, I earn money, I can meet friends – even those who live far away – and buy myself stuff, I went to a concert and to HobbitCon and I’m meeting so many people over the internet who are just awesome.
That’s the good part.
I’m feeling depressed and sad all the time and I cry so much – over so many little and big things – I’m not happy with my whole situation sometimes, I worry too much, I don’t know what I want to do with my life and I’m feeling down and anxious and stressed so often.
That’s the bad part.
My life is mess of ups and downs. So I can’t really say “I’ve never been so happy” or “I’ve never felt this shit” because both is right.
And I don’t know what to do with that. Because I want to feel better about myself, I don’t want to be down or be worried about my mental health. But I want to do the great things I’m able to do now and I love these things.
So is my life shit? Or is it not? And how can I be happier about it in general?
My life was never better when I think about the great experiences and memories I have now, but it was better once because I worried less and was less stressed and anxious.
I don’t know and that doesn’t really make me happy.
See you soon ❤